#   20 oct 2021 // KTCH  

Dirty butt stink smackers
Electronic smackers fresh
Let's go, Crypto!

Now, we all know that the love of money is evil, but few people take the time to reflect upon how it's evil. Well, I tell you: because money is, well, not exactly evil but it is very, very dirty. 💩 People put it in their underpants and sports bras and roll it up and stick up their snot caves for a toot and drop it in the toilet but fish it out anyway because it's money and flies love the stuff and stomp around on it and blow vomit all over it and . . . the point is if you take even just a few seconds to think about it, you will agree that money is very, very dirty — germy, too! And germs mean it might make ya sick!!

👑 💩 😷 💩 👑

"Hey friend, here's the twenty I owe ya."

And then you, holding just the very tippy corner of the note like you just fished it out of a commode of raw sewage (human poop and pee and sometimes even blood), you say, "Um, thanks. I guess. I sure wish we had a way to get our remuneration on without us having to swap particolored fanny paper that stinks like the poo smear left inside an unwashed gluteal cleft." And then if the first person ain't from USA (USA!) they might blow a little snot your way, you know, and say, "Well, I don't know from filthy buttcrack because I have a firehose in my dump throne and it washes me up so nice and clean and fresh that my nasty b-hole is always clean as a daisy and why do you have such barbaric poo-poo habits anyway? (Butt) — ha, ha, oh yes — I guess it is what it is … "

🦉 Words to Wisen On 🦉

Incidentally, if you are from USA (USA!) and you start spouting off to your fellow taxpayers about how you got a automatic water spout (you can control from your geniusPhone, natch) spewing heated mineral water all over your anus hole every time you lay pipe, then people are going to go: "Oh-ho! I see. I get it. So you think you're better than everyone else? Well. We'll see about that."

🦉

And then you say, "I see what you did with that (butt) thing there — " and then you both giggle a little (but not much, really) just glad for any kind of relief — no matter how pathetical — from the unpleasant thing you just had to do with each other because of filthy tissue money that lives in toilets and looks great in the bank on your pocket computer but feels like squishy doodoo in your hands — and smells like squishy doo, too.

Now, somehow between the two of those two they were unable to muster any imagination! It does make my brown eye blue because minds are a terrible thing to not give a good workout. But listen: we have highspeed communications networks and highspeed data processing and highspeed radio and, well, just scads of highspeed stuff that could just maybe get us out of this horrid butt-stink world with everyone greasing each other's palms with actual butt grease. You with me? It's time! And as long as we're going E-lectronic, maybe we could all just use the same 0s and 1s and not have a thousand different kinds of money gumming up the works?

I mean, back when you and yours (the People of the Waters) swapped shells & spooky-looking fish teeth & rotting clams with one another … but then just like only the length of three whales inland the Other People, those freaks that lived in the forest and drank rotted acorn guts and acted just about half crazy all the time and did L_rd-only-knows-what deep inside the practically zero-visibility, dank-azzed forest, the place where it's always almost near nighttime light, and that's full of caves that are very creepy, like extra-extra creepy where some said they gobble people flesh and stuff …

Anyway, the Other People were into bits of beaver brains and bits of tree bark (or something equally useless to the Water People) and when you wanted to do some bizznass, yo; what happened? I tell ya: each looked over all the crappy stuff the the other had to offer and sniffed and just pissy as anything said, "You must be kidding. No? Because let me tell you something: That Ain't Money! … I don't wanna hear it! I don't care! … I got no use for nasty old dried up diseased clams that, by the way, smell worse than your disgusting feet!"

And then the other person, hurt and bewildered that not every body on earth treasured their treasure, would try to do a better cutdown and say if my stuff smells like feet then your stuff smells like what comes out of the butts of dying people! And then things would get right out of hand. It was a mess! And sometimes they even came to blows over these misunderstandings, and some of the blows were bad enough that people just pitched right over face-first in the dirt and died!

Rotting clams on a stick! Can we PLEASE stop getting so rattled that we, like, literally, assault one another with physical violence over this foolishness? If we all had the same clams, we wouldn't fight each other all the damned time. Yes, that's exactly what I mean: Electric Money = Planetary Peace. You heard it hear first! Well, maybe not first …

Fiat Crypto!

After all, The Economizer magazine way back in the late '80s was talking about we might see good electric money, planet-money, by 2018 and — I know, I know — it's already 2021 (heck, almost 22) but give credit where due: 2018 wasn't a bad guess. Most people can't guess that good. I know I can't. Bet you can't neither. So, with a little luck and some good old-fashioned digital elbow (not butt!) grease, maybe we can finally enter the future and leave the world of stinky, germ-ridden, nasty AF paper swapping BEHIND!

20211020