#   01 Sep 2021 // 53KZ  

Ever visit a for-pay tire hydrant?
Well, ya need to.
Think about the earth . . . . . .

*+* Breaking Updot 27 Sep 21 *+*
See: Rubber Apocalypse (CNBC)
°
Now Spanky, I tried like the Dickens to get you to wrap your noodle around those flabby tires you woddle around on without ever a thought to the Earth or even your own well-being. And I know that my warning probably shushed through your earholes like baby's breath, given your propensity for blowing your whistle so much and so loud that ya can't hear anything else going on. We all of us do that, so I'm not trying to beat your head with a kendo stick about it. But if you won't listen to me, maybe you'll listen to CNBC. We aren't only just smack-dab in the middle of the greatest COVED V19 viral demic the earth (including the Moon since it was born of the Earth) has ever known and a breaking down of the Earth's supply chain and a lack of shipping containers and rising fuel costs and ethnographic tensions tensing up like Arnold posing for his Mr. Universe pictures, but also now it turns out that rubber plants themselves are getting masticated on by some g_d-awful horror fungus that eats 'em up like you tearing into a Double McBurgerChz, which is to say before anyone gets a chance to sniff the wrapper. The point being, Spanky, that driving around on mushy tires wears them out faster and so makes everything even worse! — Yes? . . .There are no stupid questions, go ahead . . . Spanky, there is no air crisis; we got plenty of air. 🙄 — What's that? . . . Well, you're right about the ever-more-lacking clean air part, but Spanky you don't need clean air for your tires! You could fill 'em full of evil cow farts if you had to. Come to think of it, that might be a way to reduce the climactic terror of cow farts by sequestering them inside car tires. That's a damned good idea, Spanky! (Even if you just kinda stumbled into it backwards. Still counts in my book!)

Kaylee just pointed out to me that without rubbers people will be having even more vigorously-wailing babies and that will cause even more climatic carbon stress and probably — if you believe Scientists like you should — that the Earth will get killed off even quicker than the 8.23946658 years we thought we had left! I know The Scientists are busy right now with V19, but I sure hope they can spare a few hours for this rubber fungus. If they can cook up Anti(Coveds) in 9 months, surely they can get this nasty fungus straightened out in less time than it takes for irresponsible people to make yet another little carbon cannon! I wonder if the rubber farmers have tried foot-and-groin spray? It might not be the answer, but it seems like it would be a good-as-any place to start. Right? 🤞 It's times like these when you wish the global village was a little smaller — more spread out, too.

Didja ever stop to think that driving around with flabby wet biscuits tires is like punching the earth in the face? 🤜 🌎 Bam! 💥 That was the earth's face. Way to go, Ex*Lax. Sometimes I just don't understand you, Spanky. I suppose everybody feels like that some of the times.

Well, I'm glad you're willing to consider at least. I guess . . . You see, Spanky, when your tires are flaccid they don't roll worth anything and there's lots of friction and you end up getting crap-city MPGs. Go ask a tire expert! [Hint: they'll tell you the same thing I just did.] 🙄

Now some people (and I ain't naming any names this time) think lower MPGs are a good thing. Lower number is probably better, environment-wise, right? No, Spanky that's actually exactly backwards! Crap-on-a-stick MPGs really just means you're using more fuel and polluting the earth like Albert Arnold blasting around the world on his privates planes and using like five lakes full of water every month to keep his verdant grounds spritzed up nicely. I know you don't want that, Spanky. Please tell me you don't want that. 🥺

Also, your car will drive like wet doo and make the roadways unsafe for you and everybody else, too! So, it ain't just the earth but other folks and your own self into the bargain. That's a bad cocktail, Spanky. You a fan of bad cocktails? Oh please, no you are not.

So, if you won't do it for the earth or your fellow human beings, then at least do it for yourself. Surely even a selfish person (not saying you are, calm down) can see it makes sense on the brain level.

But don't do too much neither because that's not good either. Just look up tire care on your Microsoft. You gotta get your psi right but you can find that right on the tire! Sometimes P.I.T.A dot-gov regulations are actually useful. Some of the tire hydrants have a psi ruler built right in so you don't gotta buy one of those. But these days you probably will have to pay the air hose, though. Now you feel happy & safe.

Do it for the earth and everything that creeps around all over its face — including yourself. What a world!

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