#   07 Sep 2021 // YBAT  

Now look-see hear, I know that cows dump billions of tons of toxic killing farts on the only atmosphere we've got and that we should wean . . . . . .

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Pa! Pa!

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Damnit ya little penis-owning progeny o' mine, caint you see I'm tryin' to get drunk enough to pass out asleep today finally!?

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Ah'm sorry, Pa, ah'm powerful sorry, but it's Bessie 🐮 —

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Is she scratching her mangey bohine on the post fence agin? Awww, I just refixed it, too, damn her itchy-butt cow fanny. When I get drunk enough again, I'm gonna tan her hide!

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No, Pa! It ain't her bohine for once. That worm paste Doc Gutfühlen gave her worked real good, Pa, real good. She ain't itched her butt on nuthin' since Sunday.

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Wayhul, thank the sweet pink baby lord on that.

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Yes, sir, uh, me, too,Pa. But she's out there at the window hole hollerin' blue murder. She's cow-talkin' all about: Muuuuuuuu! Muuuuu! I think she's tryin' to tell us somethin', Pa!

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Jumpin' Jezebel McGoo and the damned cherubim, too! You go get yer birthing genitor and yer sis-,er,vagina-owning sibling and some molasses and some wheat crud and every bottle of rotgut I got stashed up the haystack and take all that stuff down the root cellar and hold tight.

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Yew got it, Pa! Yew can count on me! Yew want me to bring along the rifle, too, Pa?

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Ya cain't shoot the Mu, boy, er, penis-owning offsrping. Don't screw it up this time — ol' Bessie done paid off all the ruination wrought with her inflamed fundament raising the alarm that we got that Mu Variant bearing down on us like the armies of Old Bogey Hisself, er, I mean, blast it all anyway! And bring some o' that herr professor's damned worm paste, too — we got no idea how long this thang's gonna have us sweatin' bullets down that dank hole or what kinda critters may formicate up our own personal rear ends . . .

s C a R y!

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