pmore:
free your bun wiener
Chrystanthemum for November
Now Spanky-a-rooni, I'm about to help you with something that your genitor(s)/legal guardian(s)/Sensei never gave enough of a good-g_ddamn to bother about …
Yes, I'm going to solve a problem you've had since your first set of teeth popped up through your gums, and that is your wiener squooshing out of whatever bun you put it in. It's annoying when the wiener slips out the bun and here I am removing this irritant from your reality — gratis, too!
— What's that you say, Spanky-Lou? … Spankster, I don't know why the adults responsible for not only your well-being but your edification as well couldn't be troubled to spot you a clue on this, but it is important for you to get it through your head that their lack of willingness or ability (or both) was and is not your fault. Look, Spank, if some body sidles up and pees their urine on your shoe, do you then spend the next two days blaming yourself for your peelogged sneakers? (Good L_rd, let us hope you were wearing basketball shoes and not your good leather loafers. 😯) [ And here we are again with me trying to assist you with your wiener problem and you — though you are ignorant of your actions — veering the situation off into your deep-seated personality difficulties. Butt please don't sweat it Spankler 2000, because though you can be a tad trying, I still even now consider you to be OK in my book. ]
To just go ahead and cut right to the quickest: the whole thing is problematic because those buns ain't wide enough for the wiener. Well, any wiener that's worth having. I know, I know, there are those freaky little wieners like you find inside of a cut-rate-fake kolache you (sopped in your ignorance) bought at a discount donut store, those ones that look like an elongated Vienna Sausage (¡repulsive!) but those ones aren't the ones I'm talking about. I'm talking with you about real wieners.
You doo too know what I mean. You plop your big, hot, juicy wiener into a soft and fresh buns then slather it up with the sloppy condoments of your desired types and … it doesn't survive the first bite! A disaster! Good L_ord what in the name of Sam's Hill is going on? 😫 What the heck is all this stuff❓ Now you've got pickles goo between your fingers and dripping wristward fast and teeny-weeny onion slivers up your nose and mustard under your thumbnails (which is almost impossible to remove, even if you go crazy and try to scrub it out with a toothbrush) and instead of enjoying your succulent bundog you end up pissed off! [🙇♀️ Sorry about the blue language there, Spanky, but that kind of wordage is justified at times, and this is one of those times. ]
And this happens to you over and Over and OVER again. But it doesn't have to; it isn't inevitable, Spank. We can identify the roots of the disaster with measurement and reasoning. In other words, science. And you don't even need fancy instruments this time. Your eyeballs are more than up to this particular task. The width of the buns is insufficient to accomodate the wiener. (No, you can't "fix" this just by pulling the buns apart wider or even to full splits.) No matter what you do, there simply isn't space to keep that wiener in the buns, and forget about the slop that is kind of the whole point anyway. I know you don't think of it this way, but the bundog is really just a delivery system for all that crap it gets slathered with. That wiener provides texture, if it provides anything at all. Think of cigarettes as a delivery system for nicotine. You might as well, since both ciggys and bunfranks are both known carcinogens. No, no, no, the flesh itself isn't naturally cancer-causing, but there is some kind of horror in the curing process that will, over time, cause your g_d-given body cells to go nuts and start breeding like rabbits luxuriating in an environment free of predators.
That's right. Go ahead and shrug it off. I'll just get a longer/wider buns, you say just a little smuggish. Won't work. Go ahead and try it. Aside from the width, the entire elongated shape of the buns is not well-suited to the task. Imagine a V snuggling a cylinder. Now press on the sides of the V. What happens? 💡 This all started because naive, ignorant people took the easy way and matched the shape of the buns to the shape of the frank. So, a mistake born of lazy thinking, then. Well, yeah …
Squeeze the V and the wiener
(and all the glop on top)
Rises
After all of that, I'm hesitant to offer you the solution because you may begin to laugh at the stupendous simplicity of the thing. But that's OK. So, here you go: get your wiener out of the buns and put it in a nicens, round roll. I told you you'd guffaw! Your mirth notwithstanding, the round roll provides the surface area needed by your wiener — formerly known as a bundog. And you don't need to line it up right with the bun, either. Orient that wiener any way you wish and you'll find that it is always goldilocks on that roll. AND you now have ample room for all that slop you think you need on your rolldog.
The round roll is a lovely
bed for your wiener.
I'm including snapshots because I know you, Spanky, and I know that you never tire of saying, Seeing is believing. And that may well have been true a thousand years ago, but I'd argue that in the Now of 21 that proposition is getting a little threadbare. Nevertheless …
Lookit that — WOWEE
You're Welcome
🙄
Gain Knowledge and Thrive!
See also:
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